Codependence Day

Most holidays are working days for Nina- but on the fourth of July, the strip clubs are largely vacant. The married men are with their families and the single men are hanging out with their friends, and the only type who shows up is, in Nina's words, "creepy loners who don't tip."

I've been wondering about my relationship with Nina for some time now - is she getting serious about me, does she want to keep it casual, what? Raising the issue was a stupid thing to do, because I really don't know how I'd answer that question myself: I enjoy our time together, but haven't made any long-range plans. I think that's largely because she's been keeping me at arm's length. Maybe she feels the same about me?

I did get something of a better answer this time. She remarked that she doesn't want to spend her whole life here, and wants to see more of the world. She can't see me as a long-term companion because she thinks I'd be reluctant to leave. I asked her where she got this idea, and she said that every time she's mentioned leaving town, I seemed to be reluctant, or lukewarm at best, to talk about it.

In retrospect, I guess that's a fair impression, but not because I don't want to leave, just that all our conversations have been totally hypothetical, nothing solid. Nothing real. Unfortunately, the phrase "nothing real" seemed to offend her, and it kind of went downhill.

Maybe the problem is that neither one of us is the type to take the lead, and we're each waiting on the other to point the way. Neither one of us has a real vision, or a real goal, so we just sort of sit here, frustrated and annoyed with the situation in general, going nowhere.

In the end, I don't know what to make of it, and my guess is that neither does she.